Updated: Oct 5, 2021
As Christian counselors who have worked and connected with many married couples, Pathfinders Pastoral Care Ministries knows that for most of them, the easiest day of their marriage was the day they said, “I do.”
Marriage is a commitment and something that requires work and needs to be prioritized. Everyday challenges can cause couples to drift apart, develop bad communication patterns, or just get stuck in a rut.
While individual temperaments differ and no two marriages are the same, we are sharing simple tips and advice to help Christian couples lead healthier, happier marriages.
Learn to Let the Small Things Go
+ Learn from the Small Things
Miscommunications can happen, and disagreements will arise, but don’t let them dictate your relationship. When possible, agree to disagree or comprise to come to a swift, amicable resolution.
However, if you find yourselves having the same argument day after day, there’s a deeper issue you need to uncover.
“Getting to the real issue also gets couples closer to a solution. [Psychologist David Bricker, Ph.D.] says that usually, after about five minutes of arguing about an issue and its various details, the conversation becomes about something else entirely. That’s what you need to talk about (psychcentral.com).”
Make Time for Fun
Life is full of challenges, everyday tasks, and routines, making a marriage seem boring. “God declares that you can enjoy life with your spouse, even through the pain and challenges that life often brings. God did not give you your spouse to be the grind; He gave you your spouse to be a companion through the grind (focusonthefamily.com).”
“When fun is an outcome and not a choice, the quality of your marriage is determined by the words and actions of others. But when fun is a choice and not an outcome, the quality of your marriage is determined solely by your attitude (focusonthefamily.com).”
Depending on your life and situation, scheduling time for fun might have to be more intentional than those couples who can do something on a whim.
Be Open and Honest
Even couples that have been together for years need to realize that their spouse can’t read their mind.
“To sustain a happy marriage and have a strong bond with your spouse, it is essential that there is effective communication between the two. Communication is not just about words; it is about actions or non-verbal communication that holds great significance too (parenting.firstcry.com).”
If you’re upset, explain to your spouse why; if you’re proud of your spouse, make sure they know. Communication is not only about sharing negative feelings; it should also include celebrations and positive affirmations.
Make Sure Your Spouse Feels Loved
Too often, we assume people know how we feel. Hug each other, hold hands, tell your spouse you love them.
At Pathfinders Pastoral Care Ministries, we use Temperament Therapy to reveal each individual’s "spiritual genetics." When an A.P.S. report is completed as described, “the questionnaire measures your needs, natural traits, strengths, and weaknesses according to your God-given temperament (pathfinderschristiancounseling.com).” This helps the couples we work with express their love in the ways their partner will most appreciate – whether through words, actions, or behaviors.
"Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate." - Mark 10:9